Colleen Conrad

Whew, 2011. 

You were one sassy bitch.

My blog is evidence that I’ve had some major highs and lows in 2011.  I was busy, to say the very least, and that included an upswing in writing over the spring/summer and a distinctly somber fall. 

But I’m not here to re-live the last twelve months.  I’m writing now in an effort to welcome the coming year with broad, open arms and warm hugs.  I sit quietly on New Year’s Eve, my third glass of wine cozying up to my laptop like they’re old friends.  (And really, who am I kidding?  They are.)  Matt the Electrician sings his version of “Jesse’s Girl” on my speakers, and the Christmas lights still twinkle from all corners of my living room. 

I could write a bulleted list of New Year’s Resolutions, as I have the last two years.  (Full disclosure:  I will be jotting down just such a list in my brand-new journal very soon.)  But that’s not what I want to do with this post.  This is about one resolution, and one resolution only:  “Say yes to what is.”

While I was visiting my family in Massachusetts last week, one of my oldest and best friends, Will, recited this mantra to me.  Will and I have been friends since kindergarten, when I refused to share my cheeseballs with him in the Fort River Elementary cafeteria.  He knows me better than most people in my life, and he’s aware that I often struggle with letting go.  New Year’s Eve is frequently a bittersweet holiday for me, because I perceive it as a goodbye; as forced closure; as the relentless passage of time when all I want is for things to (please, please, please) just slow down. 

Will (and his bright, insightful, bombshell-hot girlfriend Genevieve) talked with me about our lives over spiked hot chocolate in front of a crackling fire.  We evaluated just how much has changed and how much is happening for me right now.  They recognized that it’s a complicated, challenging, and altogether exciting time.  Yes, some doors are closing for me along with 2011, and that is sad in many ways.  But 2012 holds so much promise…

And so Will advised that, obstacles-be-damned, I should say yes to what is.  Look toward this new year with an open heart and an eager mind. 

I’m so lucky to have friends like these, who recognize that life is never simple.  That it’s best, in fact, when we live in those shades of gray and see the beauty and wonder in the darkness.  I resolve to take Will’s advice.  I’m looking into the unknown – even though I’ve always been afraid of the dark – and rushing headlong into what is.  

And so now it’s New Year’s Day…And after I post this latest insight into my sordid and crazy life, I plan to put on a bikini and head to the Polar Bear Plunge at Barton Springs.  Yes, this northerner will be swimming on January 1st.  Step One toward saying yes.