I’m (Finally) Listening
I like things to be perfect. I mean, like, really perfect. The papers on my desk at work are all at right-angles. I make lists for my lists. I worry that I’ll forget to pack something for a trip that’s a month away.
Yeah, that kind of perfect.
So, needless to say, I have control issues. And I’m learning that sometimes, absolute control in my writing isn’t a good thing. Sometimes my characters are trying to tell me something, but I’m not listening because I want to impose a plotline or a trait on to them.Â
It’s become clear to me that I need to relinquish control and listen more openly. Writing with an agenda isn’t usually productive. I carry my soapbox around with me too often as it is; I should leave it at home (in the trash?) when I write.Â
As I blogged recently, I am currently energizing my manuscript with a major curve ball. I joked at the SCBWI holiday party on Thursday that there’s a solid 10% that needs a injection of caffeine, and others suggested that heroine or crack may actually be more effective. (Yikes.) While I plan to stay far away from the street drugs, I do have something very scary planned. I’m going to kill one of my darlings.
I was reluctant to do so, because I had an agenda without even realizing it. I wanted to maintain control over what my characters did, and over every choice that they made. I wanted my readers to view them in a particular way, and every carefully-planned and orchestrated decision was based on this desire to manage my readers’ reactions. But come one—how realistic is that?Â
As soon as I surrendered to the terrifying, alarming prospect of the Uncomfortable and the Unknown, my mind un-blocked. I found the direction and energy and momentum that I was missing.
My characters were (and are) trying to tell me something. Hell, my novel was speaking to me. Shouting, even! It was screaming for change, but I was heavy-handing my way through a critical section like a pit boss. And feeling almost as violent and unfulfilled about it.
So, okay, kiddos. I hear you. And I’m listening.